While it’s always fun to look back on all the wonderful experiences that we’ve had at the movies, it’s very therapeutic to also discuss those experiences that were painful. 2015 certainly was loaded with greatness but, like every year, is bloated with garbage as well. So in order to move and to start 2016 on the right foot, let’s rip off this band-aid and discuss the 15 worst movies of 2015.
15) American Ultra – written by Max Landis, who certainly has quite a resume, the finished product was a train-wreck. This movie didn’t know if it wanted to be a “stoner” movie or an action movie, but what it ended up being was a meandering, mindless waste of time. Landis even took to social media blasting people who hated on American Ultra, but what he didn’t understand is the majority of the American public wasn’t stoned enough to even accidentially buy a ticket to this mess.
14) Irrational Man– Woody Allen’s latest film boasted Emma Stone and Joaquin Phoenix which, in most circumstances, is quite an impressive lead actor duo. But when the script is the equivalent of Woody Allen murder fan-fic, the movie becomes a thin factory of sadness.
13) Ricki And The Flash – Meryl Streep can play a lot of different characters and is pretty amazing in most roles, but not in this complete waste of time. No one will ever see Meryl Streep and say “ hey … she kinda looks like the lead singer of the Indigo Girls,” but she certainly has the “look” in this headache-inducing film. Then you add in Streep’s daughter, who certainly inherited her looks and not her talent, sprinkle in Kevin Kline (who seems to be just cashing a paycheck these days), add in a terrible cliché filled script, and top it off with Meryl Streep’s worst performance of her career, you get Ricki And The Flash.
12) The Overnight – If you want to watch a film that will violate all of your senses, then this is the film for you. This movie is about a couple moving to Los Angeles and meeting up with another couple who seems to be into some kinky things. Basically, I can’t think of a logical reason you would ever want to subject yourself to this trash.
11) Vacation – Why would you ever attempt to remake a classic film? Why … Why …. Why ? If you are going to go down this dark path, why would you attempt to remake the film with Ed Helms ? On What planet is Ed Helms ever going to be keep up with the comedic timing of Chevy Chase (slightly younger but still)? Also, your answer for playing the Beverly D’angelo character is Christina Applegate? This was just a mess a painful mess … an awful painful mess.
10) Aloha – Can anyone honestly tell me the last good Cameron Crowe movie? Almost Famous? This movie literally makes no sense. Emma Stone having to play a half-Asian woman who is torn between a man and duty to the military? Bradley Cooper is in this film and I’m not exactly sure what motivated him to say yes to this film.
9) 50 Shades Of Grey – This is one of the films that was review proof. Despite being one of the worst reviewed films of 2015, 50 Shades of Grey made $166 million domestically in 2015, all on name recognition. I don’t think they could have picked two worse people to star in this film in Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, who had as much chemistry as a couple of corpses in the morgue. A sequel to 50 shades is going to happen but I can’t help but wonder if the quality of the first film will have any effect on the box-office draw
8) Self/Less – Ryan Reynolds and Ben Kingsley (who I’m starting to think will appear in any film) team up in a film about immortality which isn’t the feeling you get watching this monstrosity. Reynolds gives a solid Green Lantern-level performance and Ben Kingsley basically just shows up.
7) The Night Before – If you’re looking for an unfunny movie about the holiday season featuring an actor (Seth Rogen) in his most annoying role yet, then have I got a movie for you!
6) Mortdecai – Whatever executive who thought Johnny Depp in a weird moustache playing a grifter would be funny needs to have their head looked at. If Johnny Depp is going to down any sort facial hair (fake or not) let it be the Jack Sparrow look because that seems to be his only wheel house these days. Mortdecai is an abomination!
5) Jupiter Ascending – You start off with Academy Award winner Eddie Redmayne, add Channing Tatum, and Mila Kunis- it would seem you have the makings of pretty great movie.. right? Well, this movie is yet another example of how much the script matters to the quality of the film. No matter the quality of the actors in movie, if the story is terrible.. the movie will inevitably be terrible
4) Pan – This movie visually looked like psychedelic puke. Acting wise the performances were something you could have seen out at the Plains, Georgia Community Theater. The writing was just a meandering mess, something a fifth grader would write. Nothing could have saved this movie … not even Wolverine.
3) Fantastic 4– Even though this movie is going to end on everyone’s worst list for 2015, I’m not exactly sure it was due to the director. Matthew Sardo touched on this months ago and it seems that his vision never truly was realized on screen. However, we can only judge films based on what we saw and what we watched was a boring/dreary mess.
2) Boy Next Door– Now this movie just made me mad. Why even screen this movie … why even bother? Nothing redeemable about this film .. not the script .. not the acting .. especially not J-LO.
1) Magic Mike XXL – Magic Mike caught lightning in a bottle and was wildly successful because the film was both provocative and had comedic elements as well. Of course Hollywood’s answer to something working well is to go right back to the same concept once more except this time … they decided to make a more “serious” film about stripping. First of all, you won’t find anything in stripping that can be remotely considered to be “serious” and furthermore … well .. who am I kidding .. you don’t make a movie about stripping that’s suppose to be serious! This movie went off the rails right at that moment and never looked back.
