Sarah Gailey is a writer, and on the night of December 25th, while the rest of us were playing with our latest toys and arguing with our relatives, she made a revelation on Twitter:
So my mom lent us her Star Wars dvds. She did that because she learned my biggest secret. I’ve never seen Star Wars.
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
That’s right! In the midst of Star Wars mania, barely a week after The Force Awakens released, Sarah was brave enough to announce to the world that she hasn’t seen a single flick from the saga.
I just never got around to it! And I caught snippets of Phantom Menace when it came out, and I was like, “not for me”. So never caught up.
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
That’s ok Sarah, The Phantom Menace wasn’t for Star Wars fans either.
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So she undertook the task of marathoning the Original Trilogy over the course of two days, and thankfully for us, she live tweeted the experience. The result was glorious.
Immediately it becomes clear that Sarah was watching a very different movie than the rest of us…
THE DOOR TO THE REBEL SHIP IS BLOWING UP THIS IS AWESOME. Who are these dope ass white-robot soldiers w the red lasers? #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
SPACE VOLDEMORT IS HERE His cape is the fkn business idgaf what y’all think. Assuming he’s a good guy. #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Space voldemort = mufasa, I can hear it and IMDB verified it and I am thus CERTAIN he is the hero. #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Yes! Space Voldemort takes center stage, and Sarah follows him on his adventure to capture those dastardly space criminals, led by Space Indiana Jones, some whiny brat named Luke, and his companions Gold Robot Man and the Space Trash Can.
Sarah’s hatred for Luke becomes the absolute best part of this adventure, as he just becomes more and more selfish and a terrible friend…
Luke is like “hey I’m gonna bail on everyone to go to the Degobah system” WHAT A FLAKE #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Of course, Star Wars is a tale full of twists and turns, and sometimes Sarah’s observations cause concern for those of us who know the ultimate outcomes.
Luke is totally hypnotized by Princess Leia. What a great meet-cute! This will go well. #truelove#starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Following the tweets is like watching a child grow up. You see her fall in love…
LEIA LEIA LEIA #StarsWars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 27, 2015
You see her get her heart broken by disappointment…
Damn it he lived. Ugh. Back in my day, if a garbage monster ate you, you DIED and you LIKED IT #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
And, in the end, you learn stuff from her that you never before realized. Like the fact that your hero may actually not be the best role model…
“Master Yoda, you can’t die!” “Yeah I gotta die dude” “BUT I NEED YOUR HELP” SELFISH AF, LUKE #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 27, 2015
ppl who raise you die: eh whatev crazy old wizard you just met dies: I MISS HIM SO MUCH Evil dad u never knew dies: /devastated #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 27, 2015
Experience Sarah’s full live tweet in its entirety. The best parts were left out of this story, so you have a lot to look forward to. It gets NSFW at times, so be prepared for that, but quit being such a Luke about it and just check it out:
Sarah Live Tweets ‘Empire Strikes Back’
Sarah Live Tweets ‘Return of the Jedi’
Thanks @monkeys_robots ! This is my favorite write-up so far! ♡ https://t.co/D2vMHFK6Rp
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 29, 2015
