Here’s the Baffling Synopsis for JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

In case you’ve missed the teaser teaser, or the teaser to the teaser of the introduction of the trailer, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is getting a trailer this week. Ahead of that we’ve gotten photos, lazy viral marketing and, now, a synopsis.

The most amazing thing about this synopsis is the way it can be completely dismantled in more than one way if you take even the slightest moment to think about it. Read this, courtesy of EW, and let’s discuss:

“Directed by J.A. Bayona, the sequel — set several years after 2015’s billion-dollar smash Jurassic World — concerns a volcano on Isla Nublar that threatens the dinosaurs that had overrun the park at the end of the previous film. Who has the best shot at preventing the prehistoric beasts from becoming extinct (again)? That would be Chris Pratt’s dino trainer Owen Grady and Bryce Dallas Howard’s former park manager Claire Dearing.”

Ok. Things start off well: J.A. Bayona not Colin Trevorrow. Right after that, things begin to wobble. So, there’s a volcano threatening to kill these dinosaurs, who were created in a lab. But… we don’t like these dinosaurs, right? They’re vicious killers. Also, since they were created in a lab why not.. oh I don’t know… make more? Why tackle a volcano?

Oh, right. Because we have to have another Jurassic movie and this is a soulless cash grab just like Jurassic World and execs don’t give a damn about the audience because DINOSAURS!

Enjoy Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom when it comes out June 22. Let me know if it’s anything more than complete garbage.

Larry Taylor - Managing Editor
Larry Taylor - Managing Editor
Larry is the managing editor for Monkeys Fighting Robots. The Dalai Lama once told him when he dies he will receive total consciousness. So he's got that going for him... Which is nice.