B-Movie Badassery: Sam Raimi’s ‘Darkman,’ The Definitive Schlock Hero

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March 9, 2016

You would be hard pressed to find a more definitive superhero of schlock cinema than the antihero at the center of Sam Raimi’s Darkman. The film wallows gleefully in the tropes of genre camp sensibilities, hyper-violent, over-stylized, and wonderfully entertaining. Raimi, the master of elevated B cinema, approaches Darkman with such unabashed love and attention it’s impossible not to share in his affection. And the stilted, ham-fisted noir dialogue, clawing through the teeth of its hard nosed characters, inviting nothing more than a good time (it lets you know what you’re in for from the opening scene) is a pleasant reminder that Liam Neeson began his career in many of the same places he’s reverted back to in his later, post-Taken genre years. This guy wasn’t always Oskar Schindler.

In 1990 he was Dr. Peyton Westlake, a brilliant scientist obsessively working on a synthetic skin generation technology. Call it the early days of the 3D printer. Westlake is inching ever so close to perfecting his technology, only the skin his machine produces destabilizes and dissolves at 99 minutes. Always 99 minutes. And wouldn’t you know it, he figures out what is keeping his skin from working completely just as a crew of henchmen break into his bayside laboratory.

These henchmen, led by Robert G. Durant (B Movie Hall-of-Famer, Larry Drake) aren’t interested in Peyton or his work; they’re in search of the ominous “important legal document” his girlfriend, Julie (Frances McDormand), has in her possession. It’s nothing more than a plot device to get Durant and his cronies into Peyton’s lab so they can kill his assistant, smash his head through some glass cabinets, burn him severely, and rig up a fuse to trigger a bomb sending Peyton – a human fireball – rocketing through the air and into the bay. Presumed dead. But he is recovered and taken to the hospital as a John Doe, where he is covered head to toe in bandages and poked and prodded by curious doctors.

Something has changed in Peyton, something has altered his very being. He has super strength, an aversion to pain, and some seriously messed up visions. And so this bandaged man, free from the constraints of the living, obsessively works to exact revenge.

But Darkman has more working for it than the typical plot trajectory of a superhero seeking his pound of flesh. The bandages are great, creating a Frankensteinian creature who is both doctor and patient. Peyton returns to his work in his destroyed lab – now with an on-the-nose fiery pit in the center – and re-creates his own face in order to reach out to Julie. Because Raimi and his team of screenwriters have made sure to instill their hero with more motivation than revenge. He loves, and he wants to be loved again, if only for a little while. He uses his skin reconstruction tech to rebuild his face and reach out to Julie (for 99 minutes), to muck up the works in Durant’s criminal enterprises, and even to impersonate Durant himself in one clever scene. These unique plot constructions, and Raimi’s earnest affection for his subjects, is what differentiates Darkman from imitators and from the low-rent sequels to follow.

Let’s not forget, in all this pathos and high-camp adventure, that some wonderfully crazy shit happens along the way regarding Peyton’s revenge plot and, more specifically, his slipping mental state. Especially this whacked out meltdown he has at a carnival with Julie. I mean, look at this…

…How wonderfully unhinged.

As Peyton, Neeson is equal amounts madness, anger, and unhinged burning desire. He allows the character to wallow in self pity from time to time, inviting the audience to feel sorry for him, fueling his anger and propelling him headlong into a sort of controlled insanity. And as an adversary, there isn’t anyone better than Larry Drake this side of William Forsythe. Durant is relentlessly cold and murderous, complete with his gross collection of human fingers from his victims. He is the appropriate, black-hearted flip side of our emotionally-driven hero. Love battling hate in the disparate mean streets, breathing with life and beautifully textured seediness.

Darkman is the Godfather of B-movies, the summit of undercard cinema that was hot in the early 90s. It thrives on the malicious mentality of its characters, and an intentionally artificial world of murderers and thieves. It carries echoes of the Universal horror films of the 30s, The Shadow, and manages to forge its own path, a depraved, inventive path through the brilliant B-movie mind of Sam Raimi.

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Jon Snow Super Dead in ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 6 Trailer

By

Curtis Waugh

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March 9, 2016

You didn’t think HBO would succumb to us Game of Thrones fans so easily, did you? Jon Snow’s ultimate fate will only be decided during the airing of the show, and not in their forthcoming promo material. Of course, I still believe he’ll be back in some form, somehow but HBO has done a great job so far of subverting our expectations after hearing of set reports and the like. Here’s the season 6 trailer in full:

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuH3tJPiP-U[/embedyt]

He’s so dead here, in fact, that we get two shots of his dead body and one shot of Ser Davos picking up Longclaw to do some sort of unfortunate violence. We’re going to be playing the long game as it comes to the fate of our lovable Crow.

Now, onto everything not Jon Snow, and there’s a lot!

It looks like the High Sparrow is still reigning supreme over the Red Keep, but Cersei’s retaliation is nigh as we finally get a look at the goddamn Mountain, back from Hell’s gates. The brilliance of Game of Thrones is that it is able to waiver your allegiances, one horrible deed at a time. Now, I’m all for some High Sparrow comeuppance after Cersei’s public shaming. Let loose the Foul Beast Gregor Clegane!

The all-knowing Red Priestess, Melisandre is finally cut down, forlorn after the loss of Stannis at the hands of the Bolton’s (though actually by Brienne). It’s strange to see her in this light, vulnerable after having spent seasons and years being right and pushing Stannis toward his ultimate victory. It seems as if Ser Davos has the upper hand in the relationship now and he will have to fight to hold on to Castle Black after the betrayal of Jon Snow. Ser Davos has become one of the most interesting characters on the show and not that he’s in sight of some real power, allowing his good will to manifest itself externally…. it’s sure to all go wrong and we’ll all be heartbroken. But one can hope!

Deanerys isn’t in a much better position, now a Dothraki slave after her capture at the end of last season. Ser Jorah is now looking for either Dany or Tyrion or both now that he’s been exiled (again) and left with nothing (again) and a ticking clock after having been poisoned with Greyscale (although Shireen Baratheon overcame it before she was burned alive by her father–I’m still reeling from that one). Though in one small clip of combat, there is one soldier wearing armor with the House Targaryen Sigil. It doesn’t look like he’s on Dany’s side of the Narrow Sea, though, as those seem to be Northerners he’s battling. Still, hope in some form.

Elsewhere, Reek is captured again, though it looks like at the hands of his former kinfolk. Could he become Theon Greyjoy again? It looks as if his Uncle Damphair is performing the Ceremony of the Drowned God upon him, so maybe there’s hope.

Arya seems to have faired much better. She gets tossed around quite a bit in this trailer. But then she’s got this going for her now:

And then we have the money shot:

Good ole Bran is back after a year of absence and it looks like he’s walking again, only to turn around to be RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE NIGHT’S KING (though we’re still unconfirmed if this horned leader of the White Walkers is the Night’s King of which George R.R. Martin writes in the books)! This could be, and likely will be, some sort of warging where the Three-Eyed Raven has helped Bran discover more of his powers and this scene is just a warning or hallucination. Still, The Night’s King is still out there and now likely aware of Bran and his powers.

Just this trailer has given us so much information and added so much more confusion that I hope HBO releases very little else leading up to season 6’s premiere on April 24th.

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First Impressions – ‘Tom Clancy’s The Division’

By

Mat Douglas

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March 8, 2016

Ever since its first public showing at E3 in 2013, The Division sparked a whole lot of buzz, mystery, and anticipation, and at first touch, it does not disappoint. Jumping into the MMO genre of games like Destiny and Titanfall, The Division looks to learn from those mistakes and craft a singular experience for players.

Set about 15 minutes into the future, The Division puts together a worst case scenario. Someone or some organization has planted a super virus (it is implied to be a form of smallpox) on money right before Black Friday. It spreads like wildfire throughout NYC and the surrounding area, thus leading to an epidemic, massive contagion and death, and eventual military quarantine. The titular Division are sleeper agents who are only called upon when every other system has failed, and seem to fall under the jurisdiction of the Department Of Homeland Security. The game picks up some time after the epidemic has gutted New York and your character is contacted by the local Division commander who is working with the Joint Task Force (the New York National Guard) in an attempt to wrest control of the city away from various criminals, looters, and a shady military organization. Starting in Brooklyn and working its way into Manhattan, the game eases you into the world by walking you through the typical control tutorials and then gives you a small section of the map to work in. Showing some side missions and initial objectives to get you into the flow of the game and the openness of the map, The Divison seems to do what Destiny is still trying to do, and that is provide an immersive experience right away and not make an online experience like this seem like such a slog.

Upon moving into Manhattan, the world opens up and you get the full breadth of what the game has in store. Tasking you with setting up a base, recruiting personnel, and side missions that actually contribute to your resources, your base, and opening up perks, The Division seems to make grinding not so terrible because you can get more than just experience and actually push the narrative forward in taking various side missions and doing exploring on your own. It looks like a good chunk of the story missions require you team up with at least 2 other players, but the matchmaking seems crisp and mostly seamless, and you can also set up the matchmaking to only allow your friends to join your missions. There are also robust RPG elements, with crafting and modding. You can also scavenge items you find to craft new ones and the skills and perks are varied and robust.

The Tom Clancy games have recently suffered from a bit of an identity crisis. Rainbow Six and Splinter Cell have had some recent retools, but The Divison looks to be carving its own path, in both gameplay and narrative.

What do you think so far? Is The Division a hit, a dud, or too early to tell? Let us know in the comments.

Tom Clancy’s The Division is available on PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC

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New ‘Daredevil’ Trailer Shows Our Heroes Preparing for War

By

Gary Moloney

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March 8, 2016

The pre-Season 2 promotion runs wild as Netflix releases new Daredevil trailer. The short promo gives us our best look at the new costumes to date and an insight into what each of our heroes – The Punisher, Elektra, and The Man With No Fear himself, is fighting for. It also includes what can only be described as an angelic variation on Daredevil’s superb opening theme song.

An ancient evil is coming. Time to suit up. #Daredevil https://t.co/ncn7k9raJP

— Daredevil (@Daredevil) March 9, 2016

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO5hHaJclzY[/embedyt]

If you are looking for some more analysis relating to Season 2, check out our article on why Frank Castle has never gone mainstream?

The new season premieres March 18th on Netflix.

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‘Daredevil’ Poster Reveals Iconic Punisher Skull

By

Gary Moloney

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March 8, 2016

The trailers for Daredevil Season 2 have held subtle nods and winks to the Frank Castle’s infamous skull emblem, but today, we finally got out look at what the iconic costume will look like in the TV show itself. Rumours that the show-runners may forego including the skull can be put to rest. It seems that, much like Daredevil’s last season, the Punisher’s costume is something that will evolve over time.

Additionally, we also got a nice look at Daredevil and Elektra. In particular, Daredevil’s costume seems to have been drastically improved since last season, now sporting red lens and additional leather padding for his armour. We are still waiting for that “DD” symbol though. It shouldn’t be a deal breaker, but it’s something that fans would appreciate nonetheless. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was featured by the season’s end.

Elektra remains somewhat detached from her comic book equivalent, but it remains to be seen whether or not we shall see her sporting a variation of her classic red costume with accompanying bandanna somewhere down the road. It’s very possible, given DD’s costume evolution in season one. Now if only they could replace Daredevil’s current look in the comics with this design, we might be getting somewhere.

If you are looking for some more analysis relating to Season 2, check out our article on why Frank Castle has never gone mainstream? Daredevil Season 2 premieres March 18th on Netflix.

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., A Return to Marvel’s Mediocre Morass

By

Michael Bedford

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March 8, 2016

After a nearly three-month break, Marvel TV and ABC’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. will return tonight, replacing its sister show Agent Carter. There were a few shakeups when last we saw Coulson and his gang of misfit agents so let’s review.

Most notably, Coulson crushed Ward’s chest with his robotic hand, killing him quite brutally. Unfortunately, the alien persona that had previously inhabited Daniels, Simmons’s star-crossed lover, switched bodies and inhabited Ward. Zombie-Ward, making it through the portal between the alien world and Earth at the last second, will likely become the team’s new enemy, looking cost-effectively like their old enemy. One wonders how this “new” enemy will integrate into the plot since the team is also dealing with the escaped Inhuman Lash and Gideon Malick‘s plans for Hydra to use the Inhumans as an army.

Alien possession, zombies, robotic hands, Hydra, all promising things in a show about agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., but it’s missing a couple things. And, unfortunately, the missing ingredients are critical. For reasons I can only imagine are related to the expense of using Marvel properties, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. barely has any Marvel characters who originally appeared in Marvel comics in it. True, Skye turned into Daisy Johnson (Quake) eventually and the audience was treated to a great performance from Kyle Maclachlan as Mr. Hyde, but aside from them there aren’t too many others.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s portrayals of Deathlok were so different from the character from the comics that the writers may as well have used a different name for the character altogether. Dr. Hall was just a tease. And, no one being referred to as an Inhuman on the show has yet appeared as anyone recognizable as an Inhuman from the comics, except for Lash. The character most similar to his original from the comics is probably Alphonso ‘Mac’ MacKenzie, a character who first appeared in comics in the late ’80s.

Agent Coulson as played by Clark Gregg is always good to have around even if he’s not originally from the comics, but since his metamorphosis into hard-nosed Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. started, the character’s been losing his friendly neighbour-type charm that makes him unique. Agent May as played by Ming-Na Wen continues to be a pro for the show’s watchability, but I fear that her well-choreographed ass kicking will only take Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. so far.

The same could be said for Bobbi Morse (Mockingbird) played by Adrianne Palicki, another one of the few characters on the show that originally appeared in the comics. Let’s hope that Palicki’s Mockingbird stays fresh since she will apparently be starring in an Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. spin-off show, Marvel’s Most Wanted–sounds like a Muppets movie.

The general absence of characters who originally appeared in Marvel comics is one of the critical missing ingredients. The other missing ingredient seems to be a systematic plan by the writers for how the show

Marvel's Agent Ward — Walker or White Walker? Neither, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is also cashing in on the zombie cash cow

will proceed. Like its sister show, Agent Carter, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. suffers from having too many active plot lines that rarely pay off. Although this formula can work well for other shows–The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones–it doesn’t seem to work well for superhero/group of heroes shows. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. cries out for an interesting main character and would do well to adopt the one villain per season framework that has been so successful for Marvel’s Netflix series.

That being said, I remain skeptical but optimistic and will review each of the last four episodes of this season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., hoping that the team finds its way and that the body of Ward is vaporized.

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Who is Jena Malone In ‘Batman V Superman’?

By

Sean McGrath

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March 8, 2016

Entering the month of March, each day is a ticking clock slowly counting down to Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice on March 25th. Although, there will be someone who will be left off of the theatrical screening – Jena Malone.

When news broke a little over a year ago that Malone (The Hunger Games: Catching Fire) was apparently cast as a role in the upcoming DC franchise, the internet went into a full whirl of speculation. With the mystery about who she was playing, from Batgirl to Robin, there was a lot of hope that we would potentially see a crucial character with Malone at the helm.

And with a recent interview with Zack Snyder, our hopes are dashed. At least, for now. Snyder goes on to say that Malone’s character will not make the theatrical release, which is already pushing three hours, despite his urge to have a two and a half hour film. But he also took it a little step further, adding that she will be in the R-rated “Ultimate Edition” that will be released on DVD/Blu-ray later this year, that her character plays a crucial role in the mix and she will not be Barbara or Carrie.

Although her involvement with the film was never officially announced, it still begs the question, who does Jena Malone play in this movie? With someone having a mystery role in a big movie such as this one, you have multiple outlets for how this can play out.

Let’s start with the most probable options:

Selina Kyle/Catwoman: How Catwoman fits into this movie is a question for another day, but really, no character is seemingly off-limits for this universe. DC has a long way of catching up and if they are going to build this massive roster of people, then they have all the ammo in the world to try and introduce Kyle in this movie. Even if she is a flashback scene, it still shows that she is included somewhere.

Shiera Hall/Hawkgirl: If many of you (including me) are hoping that we see an iteration of Hawkgirl and Hawkman in Justice League I or II, then why not give her some sort of appearance. If Barry Allen/The Flash are shaping up to cameo in some form or another, then an appearance of Malone in the Hawkgirl suit is a good addition to the cast.

Barbara Gordon/Oracle: See, here’s the thing, Zack Snyder was quick to point out that it wasn’t Batgirl or Robin that Malone was playing. And wouldn’t it be so sneaky to pull the veil over and say it wasn’t Batgirl but still Oracle. That’s a total possibility. While she wouldn’t technically play Batgirl, it would state again that she once existed and even sets the stage for Suicide Squad and some potential plot lines down the road in the DC Cinematic Universe.

Talia Al-Ghul: Clearly an interesting take but having Malone as one of Bruce’s love interests could only complicate but excite things a bit. Having the League of Shadows (Assassin’s) playing some role in the on goings of the DCCU add’s a little bit of depth to the universe and a little bit of complications on Batman/Bruce Wayne’s end.

Now, some possibilities, but not holding my breath.

Kara Danvers/Supergirl: Difficult? Yes. But Possible, also yes. Given the fact that we don’t know much about who has Kryptonian origins in their blood and who might have gotten off of the planet prior to it’s explosion. Granted, this is a bit of a stretch, but just thinking about the possibility that Superman’s powerful cousin out there in the world right when Doomsday and Darkseid are taking form is enough to consider this.

Iris West: Like I have said before, if they are locking in the DCCU characters up front, why not include some love interests in the mix. In reality, she could be a normal journalist at the time, not necessarily moving to the Picture News in Central City. And it’s an interesting thought process. But this is probably the most far-fetched idea out there.

All in all, we likely won’t know of Jena Malone’s fate as a DCCU character until the release of the Ultimate Edition months from now. However, since it has been chopped in the meantime from the original cut, we could see some easter eggs or hints when the movie is released on the 25th.

What are your thoughts? Who do you think she plays in the upcoming Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice? Comment below.

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Walking Dead: Will Carol’s Humanity Lead To Her Death?

By

EJ Moreno

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March 8, 2016

On The Walking Dead, Carol’s Growing Conscience Is Going To Kill Her.

Lately, once hardened Carol Peletier has been acting a bit different. The recent episode of ‘The Walking Dead‘ titled “Not Tomorrow Yet” showed some troubling signs for one of the 6 beloved Original Survivors. Carol showed her more human side; the stern exterior she uses in front of others started to break down.

She even baked apricots & beet cookies for the group…clearly the woman has gone insane.

All jokes aside, the story of Carol has been one of the most solid arcs throughout all of Walking Dead. From battered housewife to butchering bad-ass, we’ve come to love how far Carol has progressed. But what if Carol didn’t want to progress as far as she did? Obviously you have to be tough in this kind of environment but the things Carol has seen and done are enough to drive anyone mad.

One of the biggest clues in this episode was the audience finding out Carol has a list. The list contains names of the people Carol has had to kill. She writes down 18 and circles it with angst. It’s a heartbreaking moment to find out how much everything she’s done has really affected her.

Another shocking Carol moment this episode was her sharing a kiss with one of the guys. No, it wasn’t Daryl Dixon. As much as fans would have loved to see their beloved dream pairing of Daryl & Carol finally embrace, surprise pick Tobin was on the receiving end of a Carol lip-lock. The moment was sweet but there was something sad about the entire exchange. The face Carol made after really spelled it out. Seemingly for the first time, she has no idea what she’s doing. She’s acting so human…

Lastly, the scene with Maggie & Carol has a rather important moment. Carol tells Maggie she doesn’t belong her, she doesn’t need to be doing this. With Maggie’s pregnancy, Carol is projecting her own want for some normalcy onto Maggie. She wants Maggie to run away from here to start a happy life. We all know in the world of ‘The Walking Dead‘, happy doesn’t come easy or at all in some cases.

All of these things are starting to weigh Carol down. You can see the pain in actress Melissa McBride’s face. Her ability to show this fight within Carol is stunning. While I don’t want to see the actress go, the pain building up within the character will without a doubt lead to her death. If it’s at the hands of someone else or if she takes her own life, the dirty deeds Carol has done will be her downfall.

Anytime someone gains a moral compass (Tyrese, Hershel), it spells the end for them. This will play true for Carol as well. If she keeps up the remorse & regret, something very bad will happen to our precious bad-ass.

You can catch ‘The Walking Dead‘ on AMC, Sunday nights at 9/8c!

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Call me Gerry: My Day With Gerard Butler

By

Curtis Waugh

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March 8, 2016

It was an uneasy night. One with little sleep and a stomach packed with butterflies the size of Gerard Butler‘s shapely 300 quads. After all, it isn’t any run-of-the-mill weekend in which you get to spend a day with the famous Scot himself. I found myself still awake at 3am staring at the handwritten note I received from Mr. Butler on my doorstep the day before. The ink was like hot pink paint had dried in the desert and the paper was actually a broken shard of tempered glass. It read:

“Curtis Waugh. It’s me, Gerry Butler from Nim’s Island. I understand you’re a huge fan. Thanks for this. How would you like to live with Gods and slow-stab the enemies of freedom tomorrow? It’s gonna be magical as f***. See you at 10am.

<3 Gerry

P.S. You will get wet on this ride.”

I was a little worried at first that some psychopath had cut themselves open with a shard of glass and wrote this note in jest having seen the cardboard cutout of Mr. Butler I keep within sight outside my front door. Except this particular psychopath took a Polaroid photo of himself smiling ear-to-ear with the “note” in hand while seeming to have been chewing on a piece of it. It was undoubtedly Gerard Butler.

Also, he was going to find me? Sure. I mean, this is LA right?

I checked outside my curtain at 9:30am and didn’t see anything unusual, like Gerard Butler waiting for me. At 9:50am I walked outside my house and sniffed the air, as if I would be able to discern his musk wafting down my street. I waited, unsure if I should get in my car, stand at the curb or actually hide. Looking left and right and not seeing a soul, I checked my phone, the time now reading 10:00am. I turned to go back inside and immediately I was standing face-to-face with the Law Abiding Citizen himself, Gerard Butler.

“Oy! Did I scare ya?” he asked as I hit the earth, petrified.

“Mr. B-Butler…” I gasped.

“Call me Gerry,” he said with his crooked grin as he helped me back to my feet.

This is how I was introduced to Gerry Butler. I spent the next hour acclimating to being in his presence. He wanted to know if I was ready for the journey and then asked me to drive, so he could shoot. He said he was kidding. I couldn’t tell.

So we got into my ’05 Malibu and Gerry described to me what his intentions were with me on this day of days (while also detailing a weird, probably illegal way in which he is able to surveil his biggest fans. Hint: throw away your cardboard cutouts.): he would be taking me through, not to, his currently released blockbusters, Gods of Egypt and London Has Fallen. I told him I had planned to do this double-feature for weeks and showed him my ArcLight tickets.

“I know,” he said with a slick wink.

I continued to drive, taking his directions one at a time. We were going in a big circle. Eventually, we ended up back on my street and he told me to stop.

“Look in my eyes,” Gerry said in his Americanized Scottish drawl. I turned to look into his lake-blue eyes, “Tonight, we dine in…” I waited for him to finish his sentence. I leaned forward in nervous anticipation. Hell, Gerry. Just say ‘Hell’.

The wonder left his eyes and he very flatly said, “Egypt.”

And like that, my street was no longer my street and Gerry was no longer normal Gerry. I was surrounded by the brightest, greenest, goldest Egyptian landscape you could imagine. Gerry was gold-dusted tan and brooding through a suit of God-like armor. I spent the next two hours and seven minutes just outside the action as Nicolaj Coster-Waldau battled Gerry who was sometimes Gerry and sometimes a big CGI Egypt wolf-monster.

I noticed that Gerry had not really adopted a character but rather just tried to always be the most menacing man in the room, which honestly worked pretty well. Gerry sat beside me during bits he wasn’t needed in and ate doughnuts and drank Red Bull. The energy that was sucked out of the room each time he left was extremely noticeable. Gods of Egypt felt every bit like an adventure video game of get-this, push X, fight that, cut scene. Gerry’s hand-to-hand combat with Coster-Waldau was fun enough, but the CGI clutter and this world where any rule can come and go, drew out an already long process. Meanwhile, Alex Proyas laughed maniacally, clearly enjoying whatever he was doing and handed Gerry one of those large checks you win at a pro golf tournament. Good for you Alex, good for you.

Gerry laid the large check across his knees like a table. He broke a baggie filled with a white substance from his Egyptian skirt, three blue pixie stix and cracked another red bull. Gerry combined the two powders and added a dash of the energy drink, creating a thick, possibly fuming paste.

He looked at me and said, “You ready?”

“For what?”

Gerry face planted and inhaled the paste through both his mouth and nose.

“To save the f***ing President?” he said.

Probably not.

Either way, the Egyptian landscape melted away and became the barren streets of present day London. We were now in London Has Fallen and Gerry was now a slick government agent with a cannibalistic look in his eye. He looked over at his director, Not-Antoine Fuqua, who shook in fear at his gaze.

“Action,” Not-Antoine Fuqua said almost silently.

“You’re goddamned right,” Gerry said and looked at me like I never want to be looked at again.

For the next one hour and forty-ish minutes, I was assaulted by a barrage of bullets, blood, explosions, tin-eared xenophobia and jingoism. Not-Antoine Fuqua assured me his name was Babak Najafi (when Gerry wasn’t looking) and did an extremely admirable job of keeping the insanity flowing and doing the most with a script that is, at best, a barebones story.

Mike Banning-Gerry is one we’re familiar with from his stint in Olympus Has Fallen. For those hoping a sudden turn of conscience had surfaced in his character now that he’s an almost-dad, you’d be disappointed. Mike Banning-Gerry is only here to put up with the seriously ineffectual President (Aaron Eckhart) and slow stab terrorists in the heart. This Gerry goes so far off his rocker as to call our antagonists’ nation ‘F***head-istan’, decapitate a man using a car and a wall and make comments like, “I’m thirsty as f***”. And I sat there and watched with joy as Gerry gleefully performed it all.

The scariest thing about witnessing London is that there are swaths of people who will wrong-headedly root for Mike Banning-Gerry as though he is some sort of American Crusader. What might be scarier is that I was rooting for him as well! Is there a difference between rooting for the art and rooting for the actions at hand? Of course. London walks a very interesting line in that the events on screen are often so-heinous that it very well could feel irresponsible for enjoying the bloody moments. Still, there is a level of artistry here that isn’t to be denied. Najafi films the action cleanly and effectively, including one long-take scene (these have become the standard “look at me” moments in recent film, haven’t they?) through the streets of London during a shootout that is staggering in its intensity. London Has Fallen wants to be an insane actioner where Gerry gets goofy one-liners while committing war crimes. And he’s supremely entertaining! Is that ok? I can’t hate you for hating its tone-deaf approach but to deny its need to entertain and its ability to accomplish exactly what it wants isn’t to be argued.

Gerry looked at me after the credits rolled and I prayed the demon Banning spirit was gone.

“What did you say? Who are you talking to,” he said. I was nervous what he might do to me. Or if he was still on that coke-sludge.

“My readers,” I replied.

He side-eyed me. “What grade you gonna give the movies?”

Great. I looked for the nearest exits.

“And be honest,” he said.

“Ok.” Deep breath, “Gods was a C….. minus.”

Gerry nodded his head acceptingly, “And London?”

“B,” I said. He stepped closer to me and I could see the Banning monster lurking just beneath the surface, “Plus! B plus!”

“Excellent! Now, time for some putt-putt,” he said.

Gerry Butler whooped my ass in putt-putt and I dropped him off where I found him: on my own doorstep. “Hey, Gerry,” I had one final mystery needing solving, “I thought you said I was going to get wet on this ride? I’m bone dry.”

Immediately, Gerry Butler spit in my eye and punched me in the gut. He continued to smile as he turned away. I walked inside, tore up my cardboard cutout of King Leonidas and put an eBay bid on a Seth Rogen.

Go see London Has Fallen. Skip Gods of Egypt.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8 Recap: The Queens Turn 100

By

EJ Moreno

-

March 8, 2016

RuPaul’s Drag Race Celebrates 100 Fabulous Episodes!

The Season 8 premiere of ‘Rupaul’s Drag Race‘ introduced us to 3 New York drag queens, a Britney Spears impersonator, and a queen named after Korean food. Unlike anything on TV, the competition is Thunderdome from Mad Max but for the most esteemed drag queens from around the country. After 99 episodes of the transgressive reality show, the queen in charge RuPaul kept things fresh in this episode by taking us back through the history of Drag Race or in this case HERstory…

When the dust from all the powder settled, one queen has already left the competition while some clear frontrunners for the crown have been set. The stakes are high and the heels are even higher.

Below are the 8 reasons you have to see the fierce season 8 premiere of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race‘!

8. Fierce Fashions

-From lions to 90’s supermodels, the looks on the runway of Drag Race are always a spectacle. The premiere of the season was no different. The outfits were utter insanity; there was metal face masks, a Beetlejuice-inspired look, and a dress made of trash bags. The queens of Season 8 wore everything but the kitchen sink for the episode. I’m sure they are saving the sink for episode 2.

7. Derrick Berry

-One of the most prolific queens ever to ever grace Drag Race as well as the 100th queen to enter the workroom, Derrick Berry is a Britney Spears impersonator from Vegas. While impersonators have a rocky history with RPDR, Derrick is proving to be a favorite as the queen received a lot of airtime during the premiere episode. Derrick will have to ‘Gimme More’ (Britney pun) if he wants to prove himself as something more than just diet Britney Spears.

6. Nothing Else Like It On TV

-RuPaul’s Drag Race is a hybrid of multiple reality shows, such as Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, and The Apprentice. Using different aspects from other shows, Drag Race is something entirely of it’s own. No show on TV showcases such a niche market in such a big way; the only way to see a drag queen used to be going to a local nightclub, now you can see one on TV almost weekly! The show also is a way to bring light to issues like the strain between some gay people & their families or the struggles of finding success in the entertainment industry.

5. Comedy Gold

-If you are a sucker for cheesy puns & raunchy humor, you have to tune into at least one episode of Drag Race. There is something so irreverent about the humor of the show, it makes you almost feel guilty for chuckling at the lowbrow jokes. With past queens going on to becoming comedy icons, Drag Race has this hilarious charm to it; something no reality show can quite capture.

4. Kim Chi

-Instagram’s favorite drag queen, the bold & adorable Kim Chi brings out the more artistic side of drag. Using the medium as a way to create visual stories, Chi is unlike any queen from past seasons. Highly conceptual & fiercely funny, big things are expected from this Chicago native. What other visual looks does Kim Chi have in store for us as Season 8 progresses?

3. LGBT History In The Making

-100 Episodes of a show about drag queens. Something this deeply rooted in the gay culture would have never been on TV a decade ago so for the show to have hit that milestone, it is historic. Not since Will & Grace has middle America welcomed the gays in their homes with open arms. Will the show make it to another 100 episodes? Could we have Drag Race in the year 2030!?

2. Bob The Drag Queen

-The New York queen with the catchy name; Bob The Drag Queen has to be one of the mostly stars to snatch the crown. With his sharp sense of humor, Bob doesn’t play by anyone’s rules and that’s why The Drag Queen is a force to be reckoned with. The stand-up comedian will have to follow in the big footsteps left by Season 6 winner, insult comic Bianca Del Rio; something I know Bob will have no problem doing.

1. RuPaul

-With all due respects to the queens looking to be crowned ‘Next Drag Superstar’, there will NEVER be a superstar quite like the show’s host RuPaul. Since 2009, Drag Race has been a staple of gay TV. The stunning RuPaul has guided us down the yellow brick road to the glittery drag world of Oz. All the fierceness wouldn’t mean anything if RuPaul wasn’t there to haunt us with that laugh & blow us away with his beauty.

What did you guys think of Season 8’s premiere!? Are you happy to have celebrated 100 episodes of Drag Race? Don’t forget to check out the show Monday nights at 9pm on LOGO!

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