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Review: ‘Spectre’ Bond has a licence to bore you

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At the Spectre screening, I had the pleasure of sitting next to Mr. and Mrs. James Bond Super Fan (names were changed to protect the innocent) and I felt that you would be hard pressed to find two people who were more excited about this movie than this couple. “I am just tingling with excitement,” explained Mrs. James Bond Super Fan. “This movie is going to kick so much ass!” Mr. James Bond Fan added “You know, that this film is based on one of the actual James Bond Novels.”  So I turned to both of them and asked was there any scenario where this movie wouldn’t live up to your titanic expectations? Mr. James Bond fan turned towards me and stated “maybe if they decided to animate this Bond Movie” he said with a chuckle.

So as I sat ready to be blown away by Spectre , I couldn’t help but wonder if James Bond had gone from bulletproof cars to review bulletproof films. Does it even matter what I have to say about this film? Have we reached that point where Bond will just draw people to the movies? Needless to say, as we left the theater, Mr. and Mrs. James Bond Fan were gushing about the movie and a feeling astonishment overcame me. What movie did they see that excited them so? Was I in the wrong theater? The Spectre I saw took the proven formula of a good Bond film (Fast Cars, Ample Sex Appeal, Cool Gadgets, explosions) and decided to go with a new formula of “More Story and More Boredom” that we all just love to experience when we pay to go to the movies.

What was confounding about Spectre is that it’s not like Daniel Craig can’t do wonderful work in the role of 007; he certainly showed that in Casino Royale and Skyfall. However, in Spectre he’s presides impassively in 150 minutes of pure mediocrity. It’s like Craig and the rest of the cast felt it was necessary to do another Bond film, and they were fulfilling an obligation to Sony.

Spectre opens with the obligatory standalone action set piece, a boring opening chase in Mexico, highlighted by a battle in a helicopter in which Daniel Craig’s stuntman was so evident he might as well have been wearing a neon sign. Spectre trudges towards dullsville when we are treated to boring escapes, a dull bureaucrat, a dull psychopath complete with a dull henchman, and a dull love interest who’s 20 years younger than Bond. To top it all off we have a snoozefest of a torture scene where the guy is petting – wait for it – a Persian Cat! Mr. and Mrs. James Bond Super Fan informed me that all Bond Fans will know what that truly means.

Christoph Waltz plays the villain (Which I won’t name because that’s a surprise), and is grossly underused in Spectre. Why are you going to bring on two-time Academy Award Winner to the project and allow him to have less that a significant role in Spectre? Are you really getting the most of Mr. Waltz by having him “lurk” in the shadows and speak softly? To top it all off, the reasoning behind his malevolence is so absurd that it’s laughable. It ties up all of Craig’s Bond Films with an explanation that no one was ready for and, frankly, nobody needs.

While this was transpiring we also were treated to this gem:

Bond Girl – You Shouldn’t stare.

Bond – You shouldn’t look like that. (Bearded Curmudgeon Face Palm)

Where is the fun? Where is the excitement? Where is the Bond that we all grew up watching? James Bond films should be entertaining , exciting, and full of Eye Candy. Spectre is dull, lifeless, and full of eye sores. Craig doesn’t come across as James Bond in this film, but he does come across as a man who wishes he could quit his job. I guess Sam Smith was right when he was singing “ Writing’s on the Wall.”

bond2

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Review: Sakurako-san Episode 5 – Still Just Decent

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This episode of Sakurako-san wasn’t as good as the previous, but it’s still better than the three before it.

Sakurako-san Episode 5 Spoilers

Turns out that build up from the previous episode had more long-term effects than I was willing to give it. It was my biggest fear that this episode would the worst yet, because it would only explain the mystery set up before, but it was surprisingly… decent.

We still got our Bone Parade segment (speaking of which, we didn’t have one last week. Yay!), and we got the bogus explainey bits from Sakurako, but after five minutes of it the show moved on! It was nice, there was cake, Takeshi was about to quit smoking, all was happy. Until Takeshi tried to commit suicide (shock!) seriously, I figured that out long ago, and unlike Sakurako I didn’t need a dog to do it. Does that mean I deserve my own mystery-show based on a terribly written light novel? I’m waiting producers! Seriously though, the slow pace has certainly helped Sakurako-san more than it hurt but the mysteries need to be a bit more… mysterious to work.

On the bright-side, Sakurako adopted the dog, so that’s something. Also a villain-type character has just been set up. A rivalry between bone-addict Sakurako and evil-painter … uh? He doesn’t have a name yet so… let’s just call him Painter-Boy. So I’m pretty sure Painter-Boy will show up soon, he was even the topic of discussion in an after credits scene, so that’s nice. But honestly, is Painter-Boy’s involvement means more multi-part arcs I am very willing to let him stay. It’s thanks to him these episodes have been watchable, something Sakurako-san couldn’t do before.

Sakurako-san Episode 5 Body 1
Oh Sakurako-san, at least you’re still gorgeous

I’ve been pretty harsh on this episode and show over all, but this episode did some great things. It overcame what could have easily become the worst episode yet, and it set up something that might mean it stays at this level of quality. If the show stays this tolerable I won’t actively try to avoid it (why do you think last weeks was late?), and that makes my job easier. So thank you, Sakurako-san, keep it up! Or I’ll be severely disappointed…

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Gerard Butler Shoots Everything In New ‘London Has Fallen’ Trailer

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Fandango released the trailer for London Has Fallen Thursday afternoon.

Gerard Butler stars as hero Mike Banning, in the sequel to Olympus Has Fallen and is reunited with Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett, and Charlotte Riley.

London Has Fallen is directed by Babak Najafi.

The sequel to ‘Olympus Has Fallen’ begins in London, where the British Prime Minister has passed away under mysterious circumstances. His funeral is a must-attend event for leaders of the western world. But what starts out as the most protected event on earth, turns into a deadly plot to kill the world’s most powerful leaders, devastate every known landmark in the British capital, and unleash a terrifying vision of the future. Only three people have any hope of stopping it: the President of the United States, his formidable secret service head (Gerard Butler), and an English MI-6 agent who rightly trusts no one.

London Has Fallen is scheduled for released on March 4, 2016.

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Seth Rollins Injured; What Can WWE Do to Save the World Heavyweight Championship?

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WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins tore his ACL, MCL and meniscus during the WWE overseas tour in Dublin, Ireland.

It is rumored that WWE plans called for Seth Rollins to lose to Roman Reigns at Survivor Series this month, but with the main event scrapped WWE has elected to hold a tournament at the 29th Survivor Series. Will WWE have the same result at the end of the night with Reigns winning it all?

Maybe, but let’s theorize who else may deserve to win the gold.

Dolph Ziggler – The crowd went NUTS when he won the title last time but his concussion shortly after getting the belt seems to have WWE hesitant on giving him the ball. It would be a great moment but one that seems unlikely given Ziggler’s current task of helping get Tyler Breeze FaceTime.

Sheamus – An extremely likely scenario, especially with the obvious chaos that WWE was hauled into with the injury to Rollins, is that Sheamus cashes in his Money in the Bank contract. A grueling tournament is an opportune time to strike if you want the champ at his weakest. Although if he has a calendar he can see next months and pay-per-view is TLC.

Kevin Owens – He beat John Cena in his first match. He holds the intercontinental title currently so WWE probably doesn’t want to put all their eggs in one basket but it wouldn’t be because Owens doesn’t absolutely deserve the honor. He has raised the bar since coming to the main roster and John Cena may have had some of his best matches ever with Owens. That’s saying something.

Bray Wyatt – 25 years ago the Undertaker debuted at Survivor Series, if WWE wants you to believe that Bray Wyatt is now a supernatural force akin to the deadman and Kane then you have the Wyatt family run the card on this event. Have the Brothers of Destruction lose to the family and have Bray make his way to the finals and spoil it for Reigns again. Unfortunately, Wyatt wasn’t included in the tournament won’t be the title picture for now…

Dean Ambrose – In my opinion, this is the best scenario and would make WWE the most money moving forward. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns begin the tournament in separate pools and the main event is Reigns vs a different member of the shield, Ambrose. The match is an absolute war with Ambrose knocking out reigns with the belt while the ref is distracted.

Who do you think will go the distance at Survivor Series? Let us know! 

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New Trailer For Tarantino’s ‘The Hateful Eight’

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The Weinstein Company released a new trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s eighth film, The Hateful Eight, starring Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Walton Goggins, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, and Demian Bichir.

In THE HATEFUL EIGHT, set six or eight or twelve years after the Civil War, a stagecoach hurtles through the wintry Wyoming landscape. The passengers, bounty hunter John Ruth (Russell) and his fugitive Daisy Domergue (Leigh), race towards the town of Red Rock where Ruth, known in these parts as “The Hangman,” will bring Domergue to justice. Along the road, they encounter two strangers: Major Marquis Warren (Jackson), a black former Union soldier, turned infamous bounty hunter, and Chris Mannix (Goggins), a southern renegade who claims to be the town’s new Sheriff. Losing their lead on the blizzard, Ruth, Domergue, Warren and Mannix seek refuge at Minnie’s Haberdashery, a stagecoach stopover on a mountain pass. When they arrive at Minnie’s, they are greeted not by the proprietor but by four unfamiliar faces. Bob (Bichir), who’s taking care of Minnie’s while she’s visiting her mother, is holed up with Oswaldo Mobray (Roth), the hangman of Red Rock, cow-puncher Joe Gage (Madsen), and Confederate General Sanford Smithers (Dern). As the storm overtakes the mountainside stopover, our eight travelers come to learn they may not make it to Red Rock after all…

Tarantino’s latest film will be released on Christmas Day.

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Countdown to CREED: Looking Back at ROCKY

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In anticipation of the November 25th release of CREED, we’ll be taking a look back at the ROCKY franchise and discussing why these characters and this world are still relevant and necessary forty years later.

Rocky (1976) is where it all began.

I was still twelve years away from this world when Rocky was released and thusly imprinted on the face of America. Although I know I didn’t actually watch the movie until my second decade of life, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have images from the film in my head. Because of this, so much is made of the film being part of the American experience and deservedly so. Rocky throws us into the melting pot of this country and proves to us that no matter a person’s upbringing, hard work and belief in oneself are powerful, life changing qualities. For a country built on an unlikely revolution, there isn’t a much more poignant message to tell. Each film in the series is able to serve as an extension of the country itself during its respective time of release. The first, Rocky, shows a country reflecting on what it has become and what it aspires to be during its bicentennial year. Beyond its inextricable ties to America, what makes this film a truly indelible experience is the creation of and dedication to the character of Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone).

Rocky

Rocky Balboa is bad at his job. Serving as the muscle for local loan shark, Gazzo (Joe Spinell), Rocky is unable to enforce Gazzo’s rule over the delinquent. Tasked with breaking the thumbs of a debtor, Rocky merely accepts partial payment and tells the man to pay more next week. When explaining to Gazzo why he didn’t break the man’s thumbs, Rocky rationalizes that if he broke his thumbs, the man wouldn’t be able to work at the dock, thusly making it more difficult for him to pay back his debt. Does this way of thinking make sense? Probably. Is it bad for business? Yes, for Gazzo and yes, for Rocky as his employee. What it does is show us that the underbelly of this oafish fighter might not be an underbelly but rather an overt sense that he can do no true harm to anyone other than himself.

Rocky is a lover. This is a man whose version of crushing on a woman is visiting her at the pet shop twice a day, telling a bad joke (though never dirty) and buying turtle food. Once he has Adrian (Talia Shire) out of her shell, it’s clear that his life revolves around making her happy by being the best Rocky he can be. He pays off a skating rink attendant to leave the ice open an extra ten minutes. He uses an inopportune moment during a television interview to give Adrian a shout-out. He confides in Adrian when things look the bleakest before the fight. He only thinks of Adrian as soon as that final bell rings, signaling the end to his epic showdown with Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers).

Rocky

Rocky is a guiding light to everyone around him. Nothing exemplifies this more than his oft-parodied run through Philly, culminating at the top of the stairs in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Those around him aren’t quite sure what to make of the man sprinting toward what is sure to be grand defeat. He wasn’t always sure of himself either, until finally facing his past grievances when his manager, Mickey (Burgess Meredith), comes calling for the first time. When his friend, Paulie (Burt Young), gets too drunk and out of control, Rocky steps in to defend Adrian who is also Paulie’s sister. Rocky is also the one to tell a neighborhood girl that acting tough and cursing at strangers with the bad boys of the neighborhood is something she will come to regret (and in his own special way, “You hang out with yo-yo people, you get yo-yo friends”). He doesn’t care the fashion in which he comes across, he knows what’s right.

Rocky

Sylvester Stallone would be an American icon if this was the only film he made. Stallone was nominated for two Oscars with Rocky (Best Actor in a Leading Role and Best Screenplay), a feat that anyone born in the last few decades might deem unbelievable. He brought a slack-jawed bravado and simplicity to a role that could have come off as overly oafish or brutish in less deft hands. Sly understood that his character was always more about the journey than the end and played him fearlessly as a result. One scene involving Rocky’s courtship of Adrian in his apartment could very well have come across with Rocky as the creep (and it definitely straddles that line) but it doesn’t get there because Stallone knows how to undercut his advances. The script by Stallone also serves the point that Adrian has been pushed so deeply inside herself from her brother’s constant negative remarks that it takes Rocky cornering her and complimenting her in order to break her wall. It’s a true testament to Stallone’s talents here that he is able to do the things he does and get away with them so nicely.

Rocky isn’t afraid to hint at the ugly or the fear that peers in at the edges. Its Philadelphia is a dreary city, awakening only as Rocky finds his footing in training and in the ring. The side characters are shady, drunks, accepting of their less-than-stellar lot in life or a combination of the three. No one has faith in Rocky or Adrian and they can only begin to dig out of the gloom once they find each other. The movie may have been a perfect fit for 1976 America but it transcends period as it hits the very essence of what we aspire to be, bruises and all.

Rocky

Now, strap yourselves in as we continue our trek through what becomes one of the most absurd and entertaining series in American history. The masterpiece that is Rocky casts a shadow over each other entry, but damn it if everything doesn’t become a lot more fun and also awful.

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Review: iZombie ‘Love and Basketball’ – Back on Track

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After a few missteps iZombie’s Second Season is back to the greatness we expect.

iZombie Season Two ‘Love and Basketball’ Spoilers

The season’s plotlines are really picking up, at a pace that was actually a bit surprising. Though ‘naught a bit of Peyton was to be found this episode, we can expect that plotline to return soon, what worries me is the health of the family arc. Other than the first five minutes of the first episode of this season it has not made an impact in any way. While time apart from the family could actually benefit the nature of that storyline, I wish it had even a moment of reflection from Liv to remind us that it is in fact still alive. But enough talk of dead things, the show does enough of that.

One thing that really surprised me was the pace of the Clive/Meat Cute arc. Thanks to a certain Mrs. Suzuki we got an episode cliffhanger that might result in some serious changes to Liv and Clive’s relationship coming really soon. Clive’s FBI Agent friend (who seems to be nameless from what I can tell) is still a blast to have on-screen, but this episode seemed to hint at her involvement to Clive soon discovery of a certain dead person. My guess at this point would be a mid-season reveal of this, which kick-starts FBI’s manhunt case, and the rest of the season from Liv and Clive will focus on recovering trust, at best. Also I just noticed Liv’s name in inside Clive’s, shippers must have an easy time with that ship name.

Gilda had more of a presence this episode as well, mostly with Liv, and she felt decidedly more evil this episode. Probably because she’s actually exploiting her relationship with Liv for work, which hasn’t happened until now. She was also really hot while exercising. Gilda seemed really interesting in Liv’s romantic exploits this episode, for a reason we all know of, it’ll be interesting to see her extended reaction to Major dumping. Even if she was just using him.

Speaking of Major he seemed to be simultaneously getting better and worse. I sure hope these basketball kids stay in the narrative for a while (actually a small plotline was hinted at with curly-haired kid). However, that hasn’t stopped him working on his job, which as long as it’s around will reflect negatively in Major’s character, He did save a couple of zombies lives though. Eight of them to be exact, eight suspicious and most likely zombies, which hasn’t helped him win trust with Gilda, though I loved the Star Wars quote. Finally we have Majors new relationship with Liv. With her being helpful with the vices she’s aware of (speaking of which, when did Major tell Liv about the Utopium addiction? I guess Live put two and two together and the show just shrugged it off), it could become a health relationship like it once was… we’ll see.

iZombie Love and Basketball Body 2
Goodbye, Gabriel, and any hope of getting a Zombie cure sometime soon.

The frustrating part of this episode was on the other side of the Utopium coin, with Ravi accidentally creating a zombie killer and using it to kill they guy that cut the tainted Utopium! Also all our Utopium is gone, thanks Ravi. This puts the whole zombie cure thing on the back burner for now, though I’m confident this zombie poison will make a return very soon, considering Blaine’s interest in the substance.

The mystery this episode wasn’t that bad either, that dead ends still held emotional significance, Liv’s persona was tons of fun, and it was entertaining overall. I wonder if Clive beating that guy will show up again sometime… yes, it definitely will. I guarantee it.

Overall this episode just got me excited for future episodes, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

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Sony Moving Forward With ‘Dragon Tattoo’ Sequel, Only They’re Changing Everything. Why Bother?

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I had given up hope, or at least thought, that Sony was going to continue their American remake of Stieg Larsson’s Millennium series after David Fincher’s The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo failed to meet expectations. It’s been four years, and nobody involved in the original seemed to be interested in returning. Fincher mentioned it from time to time, but the sequel – which should be The Girl Who Played with Fire – felt like a pipe dream at best.

But not for Sony, who continues working hard to take the mantle as the worst film studio in Hollywood. They have decided to movie forward with the series, but this is where it gets interesting: there will be no Daniel Craig, there will be no Rooney Mara, there will be no David Fincher. And, to top off the list of terrible ideas for this “sequel,” it will not be The Girl Who Played with Fire, the second book in the series. Instead, it will be the 2004 book The Girl in The Spider’s Web, written not by Larsson but by David Lagercrantz, who took over the series after Larsson’s death.

According to The Wrap, screenwriter Steven Knight (the brilliant Locke and the abhorrent Burnt) will adapt the screenplay. In addition, Alicia Vikander, who broke out this year in Ex Machina and has a busy slate of films on the horizon, will step in as Lisbeth Salander. So there’s a faint hope. But, what are we doing here Sony? This is certainly a reboot since none of the original players (who made the original film compelling) are involved, but it isn’t a reboot. I’m confused.

The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo is not one of Fincher’s top five films or anything, but it’s a solid foundation for a competent trilogy. It looked beautiful and held on to the darkness of Larsson’s novel. But the subject matter was much too harsh for mainstream audiences; and, if you ask me, releasing it so close to Christmas was a weird move. This should have been an October release where audiences were more in the mood for the morbid macabre flicks. The mediocre reception of the film was one of the main reasons why I didn’t think the sequels were coming. But I don’t work for Sony Pictures, so what do I know?

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Rupert Murdoch Blames ‘Fantastic Four’ For Fox’s Fiscal Decline

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Executive Chairman Rupert Murdoch of Fox singled out 2015’s The Fantastic Four as a major reason for the studio coming $340 million dollars short of the projected $6.42 billion it had been expected to make by Wall Street during the first fiscal quarter of 2015. As reported by The Wrap, Murdoch praised the success of The Martian and the television show Empire, while singling out The Fantastic Four as a major failure for the studio. “Our quarterly results also reflect the expected impact of challenging comparisons for our film studio due to the timing of key releases, as well as the poor performance of The Fantastic Four,” Murdoch said in his statement.

The critical and commercial disaster of Fantastic Four, as well as the recent announcement of two X-Men television shows which Marvel and Fox will co-produce, has led to rampant speculation that the Fantastic Four film rights will soon be back in Marvel’s hands. Whether this is a well-grounded rumor or merely a reflection of fan dreams remains unclear, but either way Fox’s failure with The Fantastic Four will clearly have major ramifications for the future of this franchise.

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‘Alice Through the Looking Glass’ Trailer Takes us Back to Wonderland

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We have our first trailer for Alice Through the Looking Glass, the followup/sequel to Tim Burton’s massively successful 2010 adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. All the players are back in their roles, including Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, and Tim Burton is on board as a producer this time with James Bobin in the director’s chair.

Here is the Alice Through the Looking Glass trailer:

And here is the synopsis:

In Disney’s “Alice Through the Looking Glass,” an all-new spectacular adventure featuring the unforgettable characters from Lewis Carroll’s beloved stories, Alice returns to the whimsical world of Underland and travels back in time to save the Mad Hatter. Directed by James Bobin, who brings his own unique vision to the spectacular world Tim Burton created on screen in 2010 with “Alice in Wonderland,” the film is written by Linda Woolverton based on characters created by Lewis Carroll and produced by Joe Roth, Suzanne Todd and Jennifer Todd and Tim Burton with John G. Scotti serving as executive producer. “Alice Through the Looking Glass” reunites the all-star cast from the worldwide blockbuster phenomenon, including: Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Mia Wasikowska and Helena Bonham Carter along with the voices of Alan Rickman, Stephen Fry, Michael Sheen and Timothy Spall. We are also introduced to several new characters: Zanik Hightopp (Rhys Ifans), the Mad Hatter’s father and Time himself (Sacha Baron Cohen), a peculiar creature who is part human, part clock.

If you’re into this sort of thing, and if you liked the first film (I didn’t particularly enjoy it), Alice Through the Looking Glass hits theaters May 27, 2016.

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