40 Ounces of Freedom! ‘Lagunitas Sucks’ Review

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Because What’s More American than the Over Consumption of Mediocrity?

Just to be extra clear, I don’t believe ‘Lagunitas’ sucks, it’s just the name of their holiday beer, which is a “Brown Sugga’ Substitute Ale.”  It has an O.G. of 1.085, an I.B.U. of 63.21, and and alcoholic content of 8%.  I only understand what the alcohol content means, but hey, I’m ready to drink.

Unnecessary Rules:

  1. I must keep the alcohol in the bottle I purchased it in!
  2. I must finish the bottle, unless I puke.
  3. There are no time limits. I will enjoy this one.
  4. I deserve a real beer, at least that’s what I tell myself.
  5. I can change or add rules, as I please.

BONUS:  I also bought a six pack of Shock Top: Twisted Pretzel Wheat for my father, and I indulged in one.  It was okay. The pretzel-caramel flavor comes and goes with various sips.  After all, it is Shock Top, which is generally considered mediocre, so there was no surprise.  In fact, my quart (32 fl. oz.) of ‘Lagunitas Sucks’ cost the same as the six pack.

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The hype on this beer is almost as high as the new STAR WARS and I decided to treat myself to counteract my self-loathing.  You know, like any normal rational human does! Seriously though, check out these reviews from Beer Advocate and Rate Beer! They make this beer out like it’s a nectar from the gods.

The first sip is delightfully bitter, hoppy, and fruity. It’s I.P.A.-esque, which is not my favorite type of beer; however, I do enjoy some of the Lagunitas brand.  The label says to “…share this one with an amigo!,” but the jokes on them cause I’m alone.  There is another slogan on the label in bold, which reads: “LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. DON’T SIP.” Holy crap, this beer gets me.  It’s got self-deprecating humour AND it continues to taste pleasant after every drink, which was not the case for my past reviews.  If this beer was a person, I’d date it, but then dump it because I’d want to see other beers.  That’s not a metaphor for dating, it’s a metaphor for alcohol.  

Alright…despite me going off the rails, this beer is actually top notch.  It’s really smooth and enjoyable.  Even as I gulp down the entire bottle, it’s not making me feel nauseous, or lightheaded.  It just feels and tastes good. I’m quite happy with this choice.

Very happy!


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Robert Francohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIvgFWXNv94
Hey! I'm Robert Franco, but I go by Bob. I love movies, television, cartoons, comics, music, beer, football, hockey, Conan O'Brien, Bill Burr, Tom Hanks, and dogs. I've had an extremely eventful 24 year of living, which has impacted my writing and mindset tremendously. I have a quirky, sarcastic, and dark style that I hope you all enjoy, and please check out my youtube video... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIvgFWXNv94.

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