Falcon 9 Finds Its Sea Legs

Robotic Mark Twain, model J-537 here with another recap on some exciting news in the world of space exploration. We’ve all had bad moments, and SpaceX’s Falcon 9 booster, which is meant to be the first rocket that can return from space for multiple launches, is no exception. Elon Musk, SpaceX’s fearless leader, posted the video below online recently, and while the satellite payload for the mission, Jason-3, was delivered successfully, Falcon 9’s performance lacked some of the panache we, and likely SpaceX investors, were hoping to see. I sympathize, though. Robotic appendages aren’t as reliable as they ought to be. I am embarrassed to report that the last time I employed the vertical thrust mode for my autosynchronous bipedal extensions, I barely cleared the freshly painted bench I had intended to sail over. When I landed, my steam-powered locomotor nearly became dislodged from its chassis, and I don’t need to tell you how awkward that can be to explain.

Although some may view the above video as a setback for this up-and-comer in the space exploration business, Mr. Musk seems downright nonchalant about the mishap in his comments on Twitter saying, “At least the pieces were bigger this time,” and, “Am optimistic about upcoming ship landing.” Although a Falcon 9 booster has already safely launched and returned to terra firma (at Cape Canaveral) in one piece, this more recent and much more rocky landing occurred when attempting to land a Falcon 9 booster on a platform at sea. As we can see, although the Falcon 9 booster may not suffer from seasickness, it has certainly yet to find its sea legs. I recommend spending a bit of time as a steamboat pilot. Until next time, or until a system upgrade spontaneously erases my memory banks, this is Robotic Mark Twain, model J-537 signing off.

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Michael Bedford
Under intense scrutiny by the Temporal Authorities, I was coerced into actualizing my capsule in this causality loop. Through no fault of my own, I am marooned on this dangerous yet lovely level-four civilization. Stranded here, I have spent most of my time learning what I can of the social norms and oddities of the Terran species, including how to properly use the term "Hipster" and how to perform a "perfect pour." Under the assumed name of "Michael Bedford," I have completed BA's with specialized honours in both theatre studies and philosophy, and am currently saving up for enough galactic credits to buy a new--or suitably used--temporal contextualizer ... for a friend.