An Open Letter To Vendors In Role-Playing Game Worlds

Dear Vendors in RPGs,

You might recognize me. I’m the one everyone is talking about. I’m the one who is destined to save your entire existence by learning a great lesson and defeating an even greater evil. It was probably a prophecy that foretold my arrival or just word of mouth of my sheer awesome. If it helps, the entire plot revolves around me. Now remember?

I appreciate how you appreciate that I’m brave enough to take on pure evil to save you. I do it for the love of button-mashing, uh, I mean smiting evil! So, is it still necessary to charge me 100 gold pieces for that sword? I kind of need it, you know, to save your sorry behind from being enslaved by whatever mysterious uber-villain comes for us all.

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Listen, vendors, I understand capitalism.

I understand profit margins and that you have mouths to feed. But I counter that with the fact that if not for me there would be no mouths left to feed. Mr. Uber-Villain is not going to give you brownie points for making it harder on me. Mr. Uber-Villain is going to eat your soul or enslave you or do some other imaginative apocalyptic thing.

The point is, I need that sword, and you need money. But we BOTH need a relatively peaceful world that’s not tormented by the psychotic tyrant but by an experienced, albeit uninspiring, leader. So, how about you give me the sword, and I’ll earn some money. I’ll bring the gold to you and even though I’m now a level higher and have a new power capable of incinerating you, I will refrain from using it on you because I’m the force for good. But right now, keeping me from that sword keeps me from my destiny, and that’s leaning you, Mr. Shoppe Keep, towards being a part of the problem, not the solution.

Is that a threat? Yes! But not one I can follow through on since the programmers of this game don’t let me kill NPCs.

Do you take BitCoin?

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Ruben Diaz
Ruben Diaz
Writer, film-fanatic, geek, gamer, info junkie & consummate Devil's advocate who has been fascinated by Earth since 1976. Classically trained in the ways of the future.

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