Because What’s More American than the Over Consumption of Mediocrity?
Welcome to “40 ounces of Freedom.” This is going to be a weekly review of various large bottled beers, malt liquors, and things of that nature. The liquid I consume doesn’t have to be 40 ounces, as some of these options only come in 32 ounces. Also, if I find something that catches my eye I might mess with that instead.
Unnecessary Rules:
- I must keep the alcohol in the bottle I purchased it in!
- I must finish the bottle, unless I puke.
- I should finish the bottle within an hour.
For this first week, I’m drinking an Olde English 800, often called, “The King of Malt Liquor.” It varies in alcohol content depending on geographical location, but I believe mine is 5.9%. Research tells me it’s brewed by Miller, which is fine, although still a tad upsetting. Not even our 40s are free from commercialism! The fact it’s in a plastic bottle is the most alarming. I don’t care if it’s shatterproof, glass is better! At the store I even debated picking up two glass 22 ozs instead of this monstrosity.
Welp, time for the first sip. It’s smooth, it’s fruity, it’s good enough. It has a strong aroma kind of like if a small amount of gasoline was dipped in it. It stings the nostrils. I mess with this stuff though. When you’re on a budget and you want, no need, alcohol 40s are the way to go. My palette has adapted, and while I prefer quality beer I can still put this stuff down without being repulsed. I honestly don’t hate it. It does the job.
I’m halfway through this plastic debauchery and I’m pleasantly buzzed. The disgusting instant-white-cheddar-mac n’ cheese that I had to make with soy milk hasn’t destroyed my stomach, so life is swell. The flavor tastes more and more like water and Anthony Bourdain is becoming more tolerable, as well. (I’m watching various episodes of his travel shows with a pal).
Final sips…not going to lie. It doesn’t taste good. It’s mixture of backwash and poorly brewed malt alcohol. Bourdain just ate some drug laced pizza in Cambodia and I don’t know what is real anymore. Drunk or sober that was weird, and it really happened.
Closure: Olde English 800 does the job of being a palatable alcoholic beverage. It’s drinkable and kind of comparable to a Pabst. I’m at a good level. I’m not drunk enough to expect a hangover. I’m comfortable. My only critique is the damn plastic. Bring back the glass!
